Sunday, August 10, 2008

80s Action Show Tournament - Go Go Gadget

Been looking forward to this one ... it combines the brains and the brawn; the men and machines. Let's get to it.

1. Airwolf vs. MacGuyver - the Airwolf helicopter is the ultimate guy vehicle. Even though it only ran for 4 seasons, it won an Emmy and featured that bitchin' theme music (well, for the 80s). Everything it does, from supersonic speed to machine guns to whatever-the-heck-features-the-creators-felt-like-adding-on, means it would beat KITT to a pulp. Seriously, this thing could almost give Chuck Norris a run for his money ... for 2 seconds (heh heh heh).

The only problem? All MacGuyver would have to do to defeat super-chopper is to lock himself in a rickety old shed (much like all his adversaries ever did) with a couple cans of gasoline, a Q-Tip, a rubber hose and his own spit, and Mac would create a rocket siphoned through the hose that would go up Airwolf's exhaust vent and smoke it to the ground. Besides, you've seen one Airwolf episode, you've seen them all. Seeing Mac get out of any situation is just as cool the 1,000th time as it is the first. Winner - MacGuyver

2. The A-Team vs. Knight Rider - I should have made this Hasselhoff vs. Shatner. Either way, you don't feel bad for the loser. But speaking of Michael Knight, what did he really add to the series besides a pretty face? If you were going into a battle and had to pick someone to fight side-by-side with, would you honestly pick Michael over KITT? Would you pick either over Hannibal and the gang? It wouldn't be as much fun to escape a prison compound watching KITT do all the work as it would be to fight alongside Hannibal, Howling Mad, Face and Baracus. To boot, A-Team garnered 3 times as many Emmy nominations as Knight Rider. Even though I watched KR as a kid, I've got to switch sides as an adult. Winner - A-Team

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

80s Action Show Tournament - Geriatric

This will be one of the fun ones. I don't know about you, but to me it's a kick to debate who would be victorious between dudes who need canes and Metamucil in order to keep "moving." So without further ado ...

1. The Equalizer vs. Jake and the Fatman - let's not kid around ... any one of us would love to have Mr. E's private weapons cache hidden behind that framed football jersey that we have in the bonus room. But one thing that always bugged me about spy films was the hero's ability to access any weapon, gadget or disguise he needed at a moment's notice, and it was always just what he needed to beat the bad guys. Jake and the Fatman get style points for more realism, filming in Hawaii, having a longer run and being able to eat The Equalizer for lunch ... literally. In the end, JatF wins with a Super Splash Bomb off the top rope. Winner - Jake and the Fatman

2. The Master vs. The Fall Guy - I have to admit that I was a fan of The Master for the 5 minutes that it was on TV, and I oh so enjoyed a trip down memory lane when the show was featured on one of my all-time favorite shows, Mystery Science Theater 3000. Even though he did some serious butt kicking, it's more plausible to believe The Fall Guy would survive a one-on-one matchup. Colt Seavers ran for almost as many seasons (5) as The Master did episodes (7). The stunts on TFG were top notch (though some recycled from actual movies), but it's reasonable to think that "Danger" is Colt's middle name and would serve him well against the birthday candle-gifted Lee Van Cleef. Winner - The Fall Guy

Saturday, July 26, 2008

80s Action Show Tournament - Round 1

No talk ... let's get down to business.

1. Magnum P.I. vs. T.J. Hooker - I'll be the first to admit; the presence of William Shatner alone was almost enough to make me give TJ the hook. Even though both shows are rife with action sequences, you tend to cheer Mr. Moustache and laugh at Mr. Afro.

Also, you gotta take realism into account here. It's easier to believe Tom Selleck blowing away scum and getting into high-speed car chases than Captain Kirk jumping from a helicopter to a speedboat and foiling a bank robbery by his lonesome after his partner is killed with the first shot (didn't it always happen that way for an 80s action partner?). Winner - Magnum P.I.

2. Spencer: For Hire vs. Hunter - picking against a former NFL defensive end? 'Fraid so. I give Fred Dryer extra character points for being the son of a mobster and his series went for twice as long, but Spencer counters with some good plots, his own four-year football scholarship at Florida State, and showing heart all the way to the end of his fight with cancer. Besides, what is a tournament without an upset win here and there? Winner - Spencer: For Hire

80s Action TV show tournament

So I'm sitting there at work, when my co-worker and fellow blogger Ben (check out his blog here) poses a seriously intriguing question. If you're trapped in a cell with either McGuyver or The A-Team, and you're going to escape either way, who would you want to escape with?

That got my wheels turning. What we needed was to settle a larger issue ... who is the quintessential 1980s TV action show star? After doing a mountain of research (during my lunch break one day) and factoring numerous variable factors including duration of show run, hero coolness and behaviors, realistic chances of one hero to beat another and such, I have narrowed the field to 16 shows/actors to participate in our tournament.

These brackets are divided into Macho (Magnum PI, Spencer: For Hire, T.J. Hooker and Hunter), Tag Team (Miami Vice, Cagney & Lacey, Simon & Simon and Hardcastle & McCormick), Geriatric (The Equalizer, The Master, Jake and the Fatman and The Fall Guy) and Go-Go Gadget (Knight Rider, McGuyver, Airwolf and The A-Team)

Quick notes: I used hardcore action heroes and avoided redundancy as much as possible, which explains why you won't see Moonlighting, Remington Steele or Scarecrow and Mrs. King. TV shows that were in it for laughs as well as action were more or less disqualified (aka Dukes of Hazzard).

I'm making the next blog post now, to avoid having one that's too long. Check out Round 1 there.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Reasons people quit blogging

Not that I have! I still blog as much as I ever did (granted, the most I ever did was about once a month). But there are reasons!

What kind of reasons, you may ask? I'm glad you asked!

Top reasons why people quit blogging
1. Their boss sees them and yells "GET BACK TO WORK!"
2. There are more than 10 million blogs out there ... but only 4 major TV networks. Which is easier to get information from?
3. They run out of stuff to say.
4. They run out of stuff to say.
5. Their computer crashed. Actually, every single computer they have access to crashed. Couldn't be avoided.
6. Other blogs may start up and run your blog out of business ... and that's fer dern sure!
7. About 37 people view my blog. I work with 250. If I want to say something ... dang it, I'll say it in the staff meeting!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Top 10 reasons why college football beats the heck out of pro

I know, I know ... we're many months removed from the 2007 college football season. It was a wild one; one of the most enjoyable I can remember.

Part of what I love about football (particularly college) is the upset victory. There were 7 (count 'em, SEVEN) times last year when the No. 2 team in the nation turned out to be the number 2 team on the field. If you were a fan of the little engine that could, then last year's college football season was your ticket.

Another reason I go crazy in the fall is the college football preseason poll. Half the fun of determining who should be No. 1, or go to the BCS title game, is the arguing. You get to plead your team's case, shoot down the competitors, and have a lot of fun doing it. Get some pizzas or smart-aleck TV commentators around you, and you're set.

So what are the other things I love about NCAA college football? Glad you asked ... find out here!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Best little things to do to make your relationship more romantic

Just like it says in my profile, I'm a hopeless romantic. One of the best things that ever happened to me was that I got married to my dream girl, and now I can spend my days doing the things that drive women crazy.

Helping with the laundry
Fixing dinner sometimes
Watching light romantic comedies instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger blowing people up

"WHAT??!!!" you may ask? Relax ... it ain't hard. Check out my simple tips for knocking your relationship out of the park.